Good Enough
by miss.karin
Summary: She was never good enough.


**A/N;** Omai. Random Karin thing, hmm. I write angsty little things like this about her when I need to get in the mood for bigger and better things. Bad habit. b:

**Disclaimer;** Roses are red, violets are blue. I don't own, so you don't sue.

--x

She was never _GOOD_ enough.

Not one single day in her life.

When she was little, she was reprimanded for being too curious, too loud, too playful. Too soon after that, she wasn't able to do anything but flee as her village was destroyed before her eyes, people she'd known all her short life screaming in torture while she hid and cowered and wept. After that, she was reprimanded for being too scared, too hesitant with anything Orochimaru tried to teach her. Soon, she was too quick to trust him, too eager to please, stumbling over herself in her surgical work, killing clumsily and using her abilities on a daily basis.

She was too quick to judge herself, taking all of Orochimaru's verbal attacks during training serious. It stung, it made her angry, it made her irrational - it got her hurt. It left her nursing bruises and a battered ego as she tried to see an end to the pain, a light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. She perfected her surgical work - if she wasn't a fighter, she'd be damned if she'd be useless. She worked and worked and killed and saved and cut and replaced and built on everyone she could get. She showed Orochimaru her work - there was always something missing. 'It isn't good enough,' he'd sneer, looking down at her through cold golden eyes. 'Fix it.'

She'd looked up to him, as the father she'd lost. Sometimes he was positive - if she found someone he needed, if she saved someone he need her to, she was a good girl. If only for a little while. She strived for praise, relished it's shortlived sweetness.

When he was killed, she was vaguely surprised to feel nothing. He'd been her father figure - she'd never see him again - yet, she couldn't bring herself to care. No inkling of pity for the creature that had twisted her into a broken doll, a monstrous marionette who's strings were controlled by that monster. Loyalty... she _should've_ felt something for the man. But she didn't. Nobody else did, but they weren't loyal. No, they weren't good girls. Not like she was.  
If there was anything this girl liked more than praise, it was blood. A little prick could bring the crimson droplets to life, at any point of the body. A little surgical cut could make it gush. It was so... red, so lusciously red. Seven percent of the weight of your body, and she was in control of it. The recommended donor dosage could make a more petite person pale, an average person queasy. It was fascinating the effect it had on people. For her, it was just hypnotic. It was vital to survival, there was no replacement for it - and she could control it. Amazing.

If there was anything this girl liked more than blood, it was power. Being sexually attracted to power could make you fickle, she learned. Your loyalty could switch at the blink of an eye, the bat of an eyelash. But she could control that part, she could keep it within Taka. Juugo scared her - there would be no fight, he could snap her in two with no warning. It was much the same with Suigetsu and Sasuke but they somehow seemed... more approachable. Somehow. Sasuke's chakra was delicious. tantalizing, dripping with power - as was his outward appearance. He was - for lack of a better word - _cool_.

Suigetsu was... arrogant, rude, loud - not worth it. He made her feel not worth it. He made her feel like dirt, and not one bit like a good girl. But some things never change, and she was as defensive and tempermental as ever, especially with him. He made her realise ego sometimes came with power and that she hated that litte fact.

Sasuke didn't have an ego. He wanted to avenge his clan, he needed their help, and that was that. He didn't want praise, not like she did. She wanted it bad. It had been so long since she'd heard something as simple as 'good job' and 'thank you'. Too long. It hurt.

She knew deep down she might as well give up on ever hearing it. She knew what was going to happen.

They would defeat Danzou. That little blonde brat would become Hokage and let Sasuke come back. Suigetsu would leave to fight Hoshigaki Kisame for the Samehada. Juugo will go lock himself away. And she... where would she go? She had no home, no family, no family figures. It would be childish and heartbreaking to even imagine sidling up to Sasuke or Suigetsu and asking for a place in their lives - how absurd! And yet. There was nothing else for her to do, no where else for her to go. She didn't want to wander, she didn't want to be alone. That was scarier than the laughter she'd get.

However, Team Taka wasn't disbanded yet. And with that fact, she was able to hope and dream and hopefully weasle her way into someone's heart. Someone who could tell her she was a good girl, someone to make her feel good enough.

But... for right now... she still wasn't _good_ enough.

--x

**A/N;** Hmm. Make of it what you will. b:


End file.
